Cutts and paste
Anthony Martial played for Manchester United on Wednesday. He was good. He scored two goals. His performance means that the media can run headlines such as ‘Martial law’, which makes everyone happy.
As a result, Mediawatch did not wake up on Thursday morning expecting to read a transfer exclusive claiming that he could leave the club. But, as we all know, The Sun are full of surprises.
‘Manchester United transfer news: Anthony Martial wanted by PSG but forward answers critics __with two goals against West Ham in EFL Cup triumph,’ reads a headline which rolls off the tongue. The ‘exclusive’ is simple: PSG want to sign Anthony Martial.
Or, as Daniel Cutts puts it, the Ligue Un champions are lining up a ‘sensational swoop’ for the forward. Quite what would be sensational about a French club wanting to sign a highly-rated French player is beyond us.
‘The 20-year-old has been dropped by United boss Jose Mourinho in recent weeks, and his form has dipped in his second season at the club,’ the report, quite clearly written before the 4-1 win over West Ham, states.
‘PSG wanted to sign the France international before he joined the Red Devils for £36million from Monaco in 2015.
‘And the French giants are looking to bring him back to Ligue 1, after he fell out-of-favour __with Mourinho.’
Strangely enough, such a ‘sensational’ exclusive, one regarding a player currently employed by the biggest club in the country, is only on The Sun’s website. It is nowhere to be found in the newspaper.
The kids are all right
It’s safe to say that there is a common theme in the newspaper reports from Arsenal’s defeat to Southampton on Wednesday evening.
Tony Banks of the Daily Express kicks us off, writing: ‘Angry Arsene Wenger launched a withering attack on his youngsters as Arsenal’s 19-game unbeaten run came to a crashing end.’
He adds that, ‘Wenger paid the price for fielding a very young and inexperienced team’. The rest of his report includes references to ‘fledglings’ and ‘a youthful side’.
The Daily Mail report in a similar vein, as they discuss how Wenger fielded ‘a clutch of kids’. They ask why the ‘experienced’ players were unable to ‘help the younger ones through’.
A look at the Mirror’s back-page headline tells us that: ‘Wenger’s kids get a lesson’
The average age of Arsenal’s starting XI was 23.81. Only three players in the starting line-up were under 24 years old. One of those was Alex Iwobi, he of eight Premier League starts this season.
The problem wasn’t Wenger playing the ‘kids’; the ‘adults’ were the ones who were bloody rubbish.
On the same page
The Daily Mail are busy learning things from Arsenal’s EFL Cup quarter-final defeat.
‘Arsenal’s recent record in League Cup quarter-finals is awful. Before last night they had lost four of their previous five and is it any wonder, given the teams Wenger puts out in this competition?’
The five lessons are found beneath Sami Mokbel’s report from the Emirates Stadium. What did he make of Wenger starting such a supposedly poor side?
‘Both managers fielded strong if not full-strength teams.’
Ah.
Crooks and Castles
Arsene Wenger bins League Cup again. Jose Mourinho takes his team to the semi-final again.
One manager who always aims to win.#MUFC #AFC— Duncan Castles (@DuncanCastles) November 30, 2016
Ignore the whole ‘Manchester United are eight points behind Arsenal in the Premier League’ thing, and he’s got a point. But you can’t ignore that.
It must be incredibly annoying for Castles that Arsene Wenger is faring better in the competition both managers are partaking in and trying their hardest to win.
Pep talk
‘Pep’s poised to axe Yaya again,’ reads the headline in the Daily Express. Oh dear, what’s gone wrong now?
‘Yaya Toure is facing the axe once again for Manchester City’s top-of-the-table clash with Premier League leaders Chelsea on Saturday.’
That doesn’t sound good. Has Dimitri Seluk called Guardiola a sh*thouse again? Is Toure training with the reserves?
‘Guardiola is set to recall Ilkay Gundogan to play alongside Fernandinho.’
…and Toure is likely to be named on the bench, having started the club’s last two Premier League games. It’s a blunt axe, to say the least.
Hype machine
On Wednesday, Mediawatch included quotes from Jurgen Klopp on new Liverpool starlet Ben Woodburn. He said:
“He still has a lot of things to do and especially to keep the public away for as long as possible – but that is a difficult thing to do. The only problem is I’m afraid about all you in the media. That’s why I’m so quiet. We know how to handle the situation.”
If you thought the newspapers didn’t quite get the message earlier this week, take a look at Thursday’s editions:
– The Daily Mail have a two-page spread on the 17-year-old, including a ‘Secret Scout Special’.
– The Daily Mirror have quotes from Simon Mignolet, with a hilariously oblivious headline of ‘KEEP YOUR FEET ON THE GROUND’.
– The Daily Express run an interview with his P.E teacher from school.
– The Sun have a two-page feature on the 17-year-old. They do realise their target audience won’t be reading it, don’t they?
Don’t worry, Jurgen. There’s not a chance we’ll all go overboard.
United front
‘Harry Kane: Tottenham striker puts contract talks on hold with two parties at loggerheads as Manchester United, Chelsea and Manchester City circle’ – The Sun exclusive, November 13.
‘Manchester United have been alerted by Harry Kane’s contract stand-off at Tottenham’ – Daily Mirror exclusive, November 19.
Neil Ashton claimed that Kane’s future was ‘increasingly uncertain’ with the two parties at ‘loggerheads’, and that it should be a ‘massive worry for Spurs supporters’.
John Cross claimed that Kane and Spurs were ‘a long way apart’ in negotiations, and that they ‘have agreed to postpone contract talks until the end of the season’.
Congratulations to Harry Kane for signing a new Tottenham deal until 2022. Commiserations to Manchester United, for whom this must come as a huge, completely unexpected blow.
Real talk
It is difficult to take umbrage with the Daily Star publishing a story with a headline of ‘Arsenal willing to pay what it takes to sign Real Madrid midfielder’ – they are hardly the only ones who do it. But we do have to question just where the information comes from.
‘Arsenal will reportedly pay almost any price to sign Real Madrid ace Marcos Llorente,’ reads the first paragraph, leaving the most optimistic of Arsenal fans terribly upset that they aren’t signing Luka Modric.
The report comes from Spanish newspaper Don Balon, which is fine. The story was published on their website on Saturday, which is not.
Still, at least they don’t include a five-day-old update in a ‘live’ transfer rumours blog. Who would do such a thing eh, the Daily Telegraph?
We were on a break
‘His four-year contract – worth £1.8m per annum – contains a break clause after the 2018 World Cup in Russia’ – The Guardian.
‘The 46-year-old agreed to a break clause to be activated if England flop at the 2018 World Cup finals, in return for an improvement in his basic wage’ – The Sun.
‘He has been handed a four-year deal until after Euro 2020 with a break clause after the 2018 World Cup in Russia and will earn £1.8m-a-year’ – Daily Express.
‘There has been no public mention of a break clause after the 2018 World Cup but it would be a surprise if such provisions did not exist’ – MailOnline.
Mediawatch is just glad we can all agree that there is a break clause in Gareth Southgate’s England contr…oh, hold on.
‘Gareth Southgate has until the 2020 European Championship to succeed as England manager after the FA handed him a contract that does not include a break clause’ – Daily Mail.
Balls.
Bet Victor
Which former Stoke and West Ham player has been ranked as the best player in the Premier League for November? https://t.co/1QPW3BbWOM pic.twitter.com/G3AX3z0RNR
— Telegraph Football (@TeleFootball) December 1, 2016
Matthew Upson? Matthew Etherington? Geoff Hurst?
Magic
It is not often Mediawatch will shine a light upon GiveMeSport, but sometimes we simply have to make an exception.
‘Wayne Rooney did something unusual before Anthony Martial goal against West Ham,’ reads their headline, and already we are intrigued. So, what did he do?
‘In the moments before Martial’s second goal, scored in the 62nd minute, United fans on Twitter noticed that Rooney was already celebrating.
‘Is this proof that the England international can predict the future?’
GiveMeStrength, more like. Right, guys? Guys? GUYS?
This time for Africa
Adomah's last Ghana callup: October 2015
Rudy Gestede's Benin: did not qualify for AFCON 17. Seems pointless him going.#avfc pic.twitter.com/EsOwx6rIVY
— Sam Tighe (@stighefootball) December 1, 2016
They might be going as spectators, to be fair. Although their clubs might not be too happy.
Curse of the day
‘Arsenal crashed out of the EFL Cup as their November curse struck again’ – Daily Mirror.
Because anyone who has mastered black magic is adamant that Arsenal must never win the League Cup.
Cliché of the day
“When you play a semi-final, it’s win or lose. Whoever it is, you’ll give 200 per cent. This semi-final is two games so it’s home and away so it’s two finals, you could say.”
Excellent work from ZlatanIbrahimovic.
Misleading headline of the day
‘Jesus will arrive in Manchester on Thursday afternoon’ – Goal.
Headline of the day
‘Leicester after Kid? Yes, Ndidi’ – Bravo, Daily Mirror.
Recommended reading of the day
Jonathan Wilson on Guardiola vs Conte.
Graham Hunter on Barcelona’s struggles.
Daniel Pinder on Uwe Seeler.