Thursday, November 24, 2016

The Last Defender: ‘The Premier League era’

Vinnie Jones Premier League 1992

On the road between Huddersfield and Wakefield (the A642, road fans!), there’s a sign that reads ’15 casualties in 12 months: slow down’. The sign has been there for at least three years, which means that even assuming the sign was erected the moment those 12 months’ worth of data became available, one of three things is true:

  • The casualty rate has risen, in which case the sign seems to have had a negative effect and should be removed as quickly as possible before it can do any more harm. This is known as ‘the David Moyes effect’.
  • The casualty rate has remained the same, in which case the sign seems to have had no effect, which isn’t terrible, but __with the benefit of hindsight was a bit of a waste of resources. The sign should be removed so an effective alternative can be put in its place instead. This is known as ‘the Louis Van Gaal effect’.

  • The casualty rate has fallen, in which case the sign is an example of establishment lies. The sign should not just be removed, but beaten, shot, set on fire, and paraded around the country as a lesson to other signs. Results be damned; if you feel like you have truth on your side, it’s your duty to indulge in ridiculous grandstanding and posturing, regardless of who gets hurt. This is known as…uhhh…damn. I just can’t seem think of an appropriate name for this one, sorry

Nobody likes a hardcore stats zealot. Even as someone who makes spreadsheets in his spare time for fun and whose ability to defend the indefensible will provide future work, I understand that a slavish devotion to data not only tends to take the fun out of sport, but also fails to give the whole picture.

Statistics alone can’t explain why Fernando Torres went from being the most exciting, joyful player in the country under Rafa Benitez to the uninspired morose drone we saw at Chelsea; or why Iago Aspas has gone from Premier League laughing stock to La Liga leading light. For now at least, sport’s human element means that statistics can give us the what and when, but often not the why or how. Knowing there’s a thousand lives behind it is the difference between poring over a league table and reading a list of randomly generated numbers.

By putting statistics and humanity together, we can create portraits of icons (hey, that’s a great title for a series). Those __with longer memories can give us young ‘uns the anecdotes, but until about 25 years ago, we were missing nearly all the data except goals and appearances.

That and the comparative lack of video footage can help build mystique, but I think it’s a shame that we’ll never know for sure whether Xavi stacks up against Zico on various empirical levels. Even the ever-changing role of centre-forwards means comparing goalscorers of different eras is almost impossible.

What ‘the Premier League era’ effectively means is ‘since around the time really good accurate records began’, which is a useful caveat to make and takes on extra significance when you remember the effect analytics has had on the game. Greater record-keeping has led to improvements in fitness, new tactical approaches, and the reprioritisation of techniques. I’d suggest this shift is at least as significant in English football as the the abolition of the maximum wage cap in 1961, which introduced unforeseen levels of professionalism in the game; or the hugely significant Bosman ruling in 1995, which led to the huge influx of foreign players and huge wages, and is itself another reason why ‘the Premier League era’ is actually a pretty useful distinction to make.

Sure, it’s marketing speak, but that doesn’t mean we just cast a useful thing aside. That’d just be ridiculous grandstanding and posturing. Call it the A642 effect.

Steven Chicken – follow him on Twitter

Klopp: Stop using me for stories about Gerrard

Steven Gerrard Jurgen Klopp Liverpool

Jurgen Klopp believes Steven Gerrard will return to Liverpool “one day in the future”.

Gerrard announced his retirement from playing on Thursday after a successful 18-year career.

The majority of that was spent at Liverpool, for whom he played over 700 games and helped them win a Champions League trophy and two FA Cups.

The 36-year-old discussed the possibility of entering management soon, and Klopp says he could return to Anfield in the future.

Asked about whether Gerrard would be offered a role at the club, he replied: “One day in the future there will be something to announce, I’m pretty sure.

“The door is always open. If he wants, I’m sure he will, and if he wants to make whatever career then we want to help him.

“He was a young player and now he will be a young whatever. I’m the wrong person to talk about it.”

The German attempted to change the subject to his side’s upcoming fixture __with Sunderland on Saturday, but the conversation again turned to the retired Liverpool legend.

“Stop being so excited about his next step,” Klopp said after another question about Gerrard. “In life you need space to learn something new.

“Stop using me for stories about Gerrard, if you want to write stories about him, write it! You don’t need me. Stop talking about this here, it doesn’t help me or Gerrard.”

Former Chelsea man warns United squad about Mourinho

Eden Hazard Andre Schurrle Chelsea

Andre Schurrle has hinted that Jose Mourinho stopped trusting him at Chelsea after he missed some games due to an “infection”.

Mourinho signed Schurrle for the Blues for £18million in June 2013, and the German lasted just one full season at Stamford Bridge.

Schurrle scored eight goals in 30 Premier League appearances, but he made just 15 starts as Mourinho insisted on rotating his squad.

The German helped the club win the Premier League in his second season, but he found playing opportunities even more limited, making just five starts before joining Wolfsburg on loan in January.

Speaking to Bild, the winger, now at Borussia Dortmund, has warned that Mourinho stopped trusting him after he missed a number of games.

“Chelsea was a dream for me,” he said. “But after I was out for a few weeks through an infection, the coach unfortunately did not count on me much more often.

“Mourinho showed me how hard life can be as a footballer. If you had one bad game, you would be out of the team.

“My experience at Chelsea was great, playing __with so many superstars – it was just like I had imagined it.

“Playing for Chelsea was an absolute dream for me, but following my infection, the manager no longer counted on me.”

Football365’s early loser: Carlo Ancelotti

Carlo Ancelotti Bayern Munich

The great myth of elite club management is that coaches enjoy an easier ride than those below them. When discussing Pep Guardiola’s then-potential move to Manchester City in December 2015, Harry Redknapp expressed his contempt for the Spaniard’s career path.

“Guardiola’s going to leave Bayern Munich at the end of the season,” Redknapp told Kicca (is Kicca still a thing?). “I’d like to see him go to Dagenham and Redbridge. I think that would be a challenge for him. Let’s see if he can get them up to the Premier League; if he does that, we’ll all say he’s the greatest manager we’ve ever seen. See if he can do better than the lad who’s there now.”

As ever __with Redknapp, his is a view of the man in the street taken to its most extreme. There are plenty of sensible supporters who consider Guardiola in some way cowardly for only taking jobs at the very highest level of the game. Only in football could someone be blamed for trying to reach the height of their profession.

What Redknapp wilfully fails to recognise is that __with elite clubs comes a higher level of pressure. There may be no dodging dog mess in parks, cleaning boots or any other cliched mark of ‘real’ football, but every defeat is treated as disaster worthy of investigation. It’s a lesson Carlo Ancelotti, Guardiola’s successor at Bayern, is learning only too well.

Bayern’s defeat to Rostov on Wednesday is the shock result of a Champions League group stage that has generally been a procession for Europe’s most successful clubs. Before this week, Rostov (currently sixth in the Russian Premier League) had scored only three times in four Champions League matches. They doubled that total in a 25-minute period either side of half-time.

Only four months into his Bayern tenure, Ancelotti is doing his best to make Guardiola’s reign look better and better in hindsight. The Italian has already lost three games, a total that Guardiola did not reach until the April of his first season. Bayern have lost consecutive games for the first time since May 2015. The statistics just keep on coming: Bayern have gone three games without a win for the second time under Ancelotti; they did so twice in three years under the last guy.

After the defeat, Ancelotti criticised his side’s defending, accusing the team of being too carefree. Yet it’s not like Bayern have turned themselves into the great entertainers. Not only have Bayern lost top spot in the Bundesliga, but they’re not even the division’s top scorers.

Whether or not the title processions of the Guardiola era are a thing of the past depends to be seen, but in the short term, Ancelotti must now enter fire-fighting mode. Finishing behind Atletico Madrid is no disaster, but supporters at the Allianz Arena are not accustomed to settling for second place. For the first time in years, that’s precisely where Bayern find themselves domestically and in Europe. Not as easy as it looks, this super-club management lark.

Daniel Storey

Mediawatch: How has Wenger not won Europa?

Arsene Wenger

From Paris __with love
Antony Kastrinakis is The Sun’s WORLD FOOTBALL CORRESPONDENT, so you might think that he would know a smidgen or two about world football. You might think – in particular – that he would know the difference between Arsenal and PSG. You would think, for example, that he would know that Arsenal have the fourth-biggest wage bill in the Premier League and that PSG have a wage bill 2.5 times that of their nearest French competitor. That makes their domestic situation rather different.

But whatever knowledge The Sun’s WORLD FOOTBALL CORRESPONDENT has of world football is far outweighed by his contempt for Arsene Wenger.

‘Gunners boss Wenger would not last more than a year without winning Ligue Un with Paris Saint-Germain. Let alone a decade or, heaven forbid 12 years and counting, as he has done at Arsenal without winning the title.’

‘Ironic, given Wenger’s cosy relationship __with the Qatari owners of PSG who would love to recruit him.’

That, Antony, is about as ironic as rain on your wedding day. It’s not ‘ironic’ that PSG – a club whose budget makes Ligue Un a formality – would like to recruit a manager who has won three domestic titles despite never having the biggest budget; it’s entirely understandable. It’s also worth pointing out that Wenger has at least reached a Champions League final.

Kastrinakis is not done there…

‘PSG boss Unai Emery has won as many medals in the last three years as Wenger has in his last 11. But while Wenger’s last three were all FA Cups, Emery’s were all Europa League wins with Sevilla. Successive wins at a club with a fraction of Arsenal’s budget.’

We agree with Kastrinakis on this point at least: It’s utterly embarrassing that Arsene Wenger has failed to win a competition which they have not actually played in. And why have they not played in it? Because Arsenal have consistently finished in the top four and consistently qualified from their Champions League group. Under their bloody useless manager.

Every loser wins
‘Losing is not in Mourinho’s nature,’ writes Neil Custis in The Sun.

Tell that to Chelsea fans who sat through nine defeats in the first 16 games of last season, Neil.

Every loser stays
Do you remember when Neil Custis claimed that ‘Jose Mourinho has turned Manchester United around to become the force of old in just three months’ and told us all the ways he had ‘lifted the clouds’ at Old Trafford? It’s here in all its glory.

Here’s one of those ways he was ‘already on his way to consigning the last three years of misery at Manchester United to the dustbin of history’:

‘From the moment he arrived, the message has been positive, about winning the title. Nothing on philosophies or things taking time.’

That was on September 6 but what say you now, Neil, when this was Jose’s message on November 23:

“The best manager in PL history needed a few years to build a successful period, if the best needed time then others do too. The three-year contract I was given is a fair period of time. My three years isn’t just about transfer windows, it is about building relationships with the players.”

It sounds an awful lot like he’s saying that things might take time.

Custis’ take on these latest quotes:

‘THIS TIME Jose Mourinho wants to be at a club for keeps.’

You spin me right round baby, right round, like a record baby, right round, round, round.

French lessons
But do you know what will be really bothering Wenger this fine Thursday? That ‘ARSENAL still have some work to do if they are to protect their record against the French. They have never finished below a club from France in the group stages.’

That’s one of the things the Daily Mail ‘learned’ from the Emirates. And aren’t we all glad they did?

S.E.O
The gold at the end of the football internet rainbow is a headline containing the words ‘Liverpool’, ‘Manchester United’ and ‘Arsenal’.

So here’s the Daily Mirror website reporting the news that every single Premier League club as well as Premiership Rugby, Football Association, English Football League, Rugby Football Union and sports clubs around Britain are taking part in the Rainbow Laces takeover to support the LGBT community this weekend:

‘Liverpool, Manchester United and Arsenal lead Premier League support for Rainbow Laces 2016 campaign.’

Wow. Sometimes you just have to stand and applaud.

The ‘football’ headlines we deserve
‘Olivier Giroud enjoys a meal at Sexy Fish restaurant to celebrate Arsenal goalscoring run’ – Daily Mirror.

‘Cristiano Ronaldo DISGUISES himself for secret Disneyland trip with rumoured girlfriend Georgina Rodriguez’ – Daily Mirror.

Sigh.

It’s got to beeeeeeeeeeeee…
Massive football news on MailOnline:

‘Most of us struggle to wake up for work, hitting snooze on the alarm clock multiple times before crawling out of bed.

‘However the ever-perfect Cristiano Ronaldo has shown he is more than happy to hit the ground running in the morning.’

Or more than happy to take lots of money from Poker Stars for an advert?

Ever-perfect and ever-absolutely-stinking-rich.

Open your eyes @DwyaneWade – this is how I wake up 🙈 #raiseithttps://t.co/i6J4wmrc1W pic.twitter.com/QIAujMQnW6

— Cristiano Ronaldo (@Cristiano) November 24, 2016

Sourcey
‘Steven Gerrard is ready to continue his playing career when his contract with the LA Galaxy expires next month, sources close to the player have told ESPN FC‘ – November 7.

How close is ‘close’?

Scoop of the day
If we had not been blocked by Dave Kidd, we would offer our massive congratulations for his ‘THREE LIONS EXCLUSIVE’ on the back page of The Sun. Stand aside Woodward; take cover Bernstein; Kidd has uncovered that the only man in the running for the England job will…wait for it…get the England job.

Altogether now: If the exact opposite would be a better story, it’s probably not worthy of the big sell.

Non-sequitur of the day
This is the opening line of Neil Ashton’s match report from Borussia Monchengladbach v Manchester City, presented (almost) without comment.

‘HISTORY is one thing. The here and now is another.’

Mediawatch would like to add: DOGS are one thing. Cats are another.

Jailhouse rock
Headline in The Sun: ‘Behind Barca.’

Sub-headline in The Sun: ‘NEYMAR’S STARING AT PRISON STRETCH.’

Opening paragraph in The Sun: ‘NEYMAR could be facing JAIL over allegations of corruption.’

Fourteenth paragraph in The Sun: ‘Under the Spanish system, prison terms of under two years can be served as probation.’

Oh.

Paedo rankings

The scandal that could be worse than Jimmy Savile: How football's been shaken to its core by tales of sexual abuse https://t.co/wF6FnJp4JN

— MailOnline Sport (@MailSport) November 23, 2016

For f***’s sake. Do we really need a paedophile ranking system? Can we not just agree that any and all child sex abuse is awful and heartbreaking?

Recommended reading of the day
Richard Jolly on Tottenham’s reliance on Kane and Alderweireld
Michael Cox on PSG looking ready for the next step
Andi Thomas on the terrible luck of Jose Mourinho

Crewe manager ‘knew nothing’ of Bennell sex offences

Dario Gradi Football365

Crewe director of football Dario Gradi has released a statement saying he knew nothing about Barry Bennell’s abuse of young footballers until the junior scout was arrested in 1994.

Bennell worked __with Crewe, Manchester City, Stoke and several junior clubs in the area prior to his conviction for raping a British boy at a football camp in Florida 22 years ago.

Three former footballers – Andy Woodward, Steve Walters and David White – have all come forward to report they were sexually abused by Bennell during their time in junior football, while a fourth player, ex-Tottenham and Liverpool midfielder Paul Stewart, says he was abused as a boy by a different coach.

Gradi, whose first spell as manager of Crewe ran from 1983 to 2007, said in a statement: “I would like to express sympathy to the victims of Barry Bennell not only at Crewe Alexandra, but at other clubs in the north west.

“The first I knew of Barry Bennell’s crimes was when he was arrested in the United States in 1994. I knew nothing of his crimes before this time when he was employed by us. No one at the football club knew of Bennell’s crimes until his arrest in 1994 and his subsequent prosecution in the United Kingdom.

“The football club also co-operated fully __with the authorities in 2003.

“The club are in the process of a review and I won’t be making any further comment until this is finalised.”

After the conviction in the US, Bennell was found guilty at Chester Crown Court in 1998 of 23 offences against six boys, aged from nine to 15, and was sentenced to nine years in jail.

The court heard that one of the assaults took place in Gradi’s house, though the court was also told there was no suggestion Gradi knew anything about it.

Bennell was given a further sentence in 2015 when he pleaded guilty to sexually abusing another boy at a camp in Macclesfield in 1980.

Woodward waived his anonymity from the Chester trial to tell the Guardian about his abuse by Bennell in the 1980s while he was at Crewe.

Woodward’s harrowing account prompted another former Crewe player, Walters, to tell The Guardian about his alleged abuse by Bennell on Tuesday, before Stewart told the Daily Mirror about his treatment by a different youth coach in the 1970s.

White also alleges it was Bennell who abused him as a youngster.

”In light of recent press stories, I wish to confirm that I was sexually abused by my former football coach, Barry Bennell, in the late 1970s and early 1980s,” said White in a written statement.

”This abuse took place while I was attached to Whitehill FC, a junior team based in Manchester.”

White’s decision to reveal his story came after Professional Footballers’ Association boss Gordon Taylor revealed the number of players to contact the union with similar stories in the last week had reached double figures.

Taylor was speaking to Press Association Sport after Cheshire Police said 11 individuals have contacted them as they expand their investigation into Bennell’s activities.

Shadow Sports Minister Dr Rosena Allin-Khan, the Labour MP for Tooting, issued a statement to Press Association Sport on Thursday which called for the Football Association to help tighten security checks throughout the game.

”I was alarmed to hear the news. Football pitches are supposed to be safe places for children and young adults to develop, not a hideout for sexual predators,” Dr Allin-Khan said.

”The FA need to look immediately at what action can be taken to ensure our children are being coached and supervised only by those who have their best interests at heart.

”We are at the stage now where simply relying on a criminal record check is not enough. 99.9 per cent of coaches and officials will have every child’s best interests in mind – but we must root out the 0.1 per cent who don’t.”

Gerrard discusses love of Liverpool and management

GettyImages.473621690 (1)

Steven Gerrard has explained his reasons for retiring from football, and says that he has aspirations of a career in management.

Gerrard announced his retirement from playing on Thursday, bringing to an end an illustrious and successful 18-year career.

Your favourite Steven Gerrard moment?

  • 2005 Champions League final
  • 2004 Olympiakos goal
  • 2006 FA Cup final
  • The 5-1 v Germany

In an exclusive interview __with BT Sport, the 36-year-old discussed his reasons for retiring:

“There’s a few reasons really. Obviously you’re aware of this time coming, towards the end your body starts talking to you. The pains and the aches get more regular. The way you feel out there on the pitch changes. Over the last couple of years I’ve felt myself slowing down a little bit.

“I can’t deliver what I used to be able to deliver, and that becomes a little bit frustrating. And also I’ve listened to important people in the game who I trust over the years and they’ve said, ‘Always go __with a tiny bit left. Don’t overstay your welcome. Don’t play on too long. It becomes embarrassing.’ I feel that’s not too far away, so now’s the right time.

“There wasn’t a particular moment, more a period. My last three or four months at the Galaxy I was getting too many injuries. I didn’t really feel as sharp as I used to. The games become more challenging, especially in terms of altitude and heat, humidity, the travel.

“It was more a period of time rather than one particular moment.

“Having said that, I’ve had a few moments in the last six months where I’ve thought, ‘I didn’t play well today,’ or ‘that guy got the better of me’.

“I don’t like saying that to myself so now’s the right time.”

Gerrard then spoke of his admiration for Liverpool, for whom he made his debut in 1998 and left in 2015.

“The world,” he replied, when asked what the club means to him. “I started supporting the club at a very young age, a lot of my family are Reds, and the way the club shaped me and treated me from a very young age, they turned me into a decent human being and a good footballer. I’ve got a lot to thank them for.”

In terms of the future, the former midfielder is looking to initially balance his role as a pundit with work in coaching.

“I’d like to do a bit of both. Obviously now I’m really excited to get back to work and cover the Premier League and Champions League. That’s what I’ve been looking forward to doing.

“In terms of the future I definitely have dreams and aspirations of having a go at management, or assisting a manager, and being back involved in the dressing room. But I’ve got many, many years to do that.”

Rio: Kane ‘on a different planet’ to Sturridge, Vardy

Harry Kane Daniel Sturridge Football365

Rio Ferdinand believes Harry Kane is far superior to Daniel Sturridge and Jamie Vardy, and that his Tottenham wage should reflect that.

Kane is currently in talks to improve his contract at Tottenham, __with the striker believed to be on around £50,000 a week.

It is a lower wage than many of his teammates, but also more than half that of fellow England internationals Sturridge and Vardy.

Ferdinand believes the forward should be seeking parity __with Sergio Aguero at Manchester City, not Sturridge and Vardy, however.

“There has been a lot of talk over his contract situation over the last few days… Spurs will be making a mistake to let this drag on,” Ferdinand told the London Evening Standard.

“When Kane signed his last deal, it was worth a basic £50,000 a week that is now believed to have risen to about £60,000 after he reached certain targets.

“But that is still about £20,000 a week less than White Hart Lane’s top earners.

“Then there are his fellow England team-mates, Jamie Vardy and Daniel Sturridge, earning at least double that.

“If I was Kane and his advisors, I wouldn’t be using those two as a gauge. I’d be looking down at them because they’re not on the same planet.

“Kane has performed for the last two years by being the top English goalscorer in this country. They haven’t done that.

“If I was him, I’d be demanding to be on the same level as Sergio Aguero, who has a package of about £220,000 including bonuses, instead,” he added.

“That’s the kind of player he should be looking for parity with. Like Aguero, Kane has been banging the goals in for a few years. That’s his level.

“I think Kane is weakening his own position if he uses Vardy and Sturridge as a starting point because they’re not the same calibre of player.

“He is only 23 and the other two don’t match up with him in terms of games played and goals scored.”

Lescott leaves Athens after just a few months

Joleon Lescott

Former England international Joleon Lescott has left AEK Athens after less than three months.

The former Manchester City and Aston Villa defender joined the Greek club on August 29 but, after playing just four games, suffered a knee injury which was expected to sideline him for up to six months.

A brief tweet from the club on Thursday read: “AEK FC and Joleon Lescott mutual (sic) agreed the termination of his contract.”

Lescott, 34, has also played for West Brom, Everton and Wolves. He won 26 international caps between 2007 and 2013.

Friday, November 18, 2016

‘Rashford killed us last season’, says Arsenal boss

Marcus Rashford Manchester United

Marcus Rashford is in line to start for Manchester United when they welcome Arsenal to Old Trafford on Saturday – but this time Gunners boss Arsene Wenger will know all about the England forward.

The 19-year-old burst onto the scene in February, hitting a brace in United’s 3-2 win over Wenger’s side just days after scoring twice on his first-team debut against FC Midtjylland.

Rashford has now established himself in Jose Mourinho’s squad, starting the last six Premier League games for the Red Devils.

And he is likely to start as United’s main striker at the weekend, __with Zlatan Ibrahimovic suspended and skipper Wayne Rooney expected to only be fit enough for the bench.

Asked about Ibrahimovic’s unavailability, Wenger instead focused on the man who will be looking to prevent Arsenal getting their first league win at Old Trafford in a decade.

“Certainly they would prefer to have him (Ibrahimovic),” he said.

On this day in 1995, Ryan Giggs netted for #MUFC v Southampton after only 15 seconds! https://t.co/rbZSre7sDH

— Manchester United (@ManUtd) November 18, 2016

“But we have as well players out and let’s not forget, last year the guy who killed us was Rashford. So let’s not speculate on any weakness of Man United.”

The Frenchman, who goes in search of his first-ever Premier League win over Mourinho having failed to better his adversary in 11 previous meetings, also admits Rashford’s impact came out of the blue last season.

“Yes of course,” he replied when asked if Rashford had taken him by surprise.

“Maybe a bit less, because I watched him against a Danish team in midweek and he scored and I could see straight away that this guy could be dangerous.

“On crosses his movement was good, the way he moved in the box was strong. he took everyone by surprise because no one knew him in England.”

With records seemingly against Wenger, he has been keen to point out the 3-2 loss nine months ago – albeit damaging to Arsenal’s ultimately forlorn title ambitions – remains their only defeat away from home in the league in this calendar year.

There's a reason why birthday boy @PSchmeichel1 was called the Great Dane… #MUFC https://t.co/0qKfeJkJ5R

— Manchester United (@ManUtd) November 18, 2016

“In 2016 we lost one away game in the whole year and that was at Old Trafford,” he added.

“So overall, on top of that, I think that is really the key game, it was a key game for us and that is where we did not respond __with the quality of performance on the day.

“We did not only lose the game, but that’s maybe one of the few away games in the whole year where the performance was not at the level.

“So we want to focus on that and respond with a strong performance and after we have to accept the result. But what will be very important for me is that we respond with a strong performance on Saturday morning.”

Wenger will assess the fitness of forward Alexis Sanchez ahead of the game after he returned from international duty with Chile on Friday morning.

The 27-year-old has hit eight goals for the Gunners this season but, having scored twice for Chile in midweek despite carrying a hamstring injury, he could yet be forced to sit out the lunchtime kick-off.

Hector Bellerin is definitely out after injuring his ankle in the 1-1 draw with Tottenham ahead of the international break and joins Santi Cazorla, Lucas Perez, Per Mertesacker and former United striker Danny Welbeck in missing the trip to Old Trafford.

Lucas reckons Liverpool can win Premier League title

Lucas Leiva Jurgen Klopp Liverpool

Liverpool midfielder Lucas Leiva reckons Jurgen Klopp’s side can lift the Premier League title this season if they keep up their high standards.

The Reds go into this weekend’s away trip to Southampton at the summit of the Premier League, having won seven out of their last eight games in the top-flight.

Lucas doesn’t want the Liverpool squad to get carried away __with their good start to the season but says there is a growing belief amongst the players that they can win it.

“Yes I think we can __with the title. We have had very good results and playing against some very hard teams and we’ve showed that if we perform the way we are at this moment, we believe we can win the title,” he told Soccer Saturday. 

“But it is a very early stage. I have been top of the league in other years at this stage around Christmas time and ended up not winning so we have to go game by game and it is a long season.

After 12 long days the Reds are back in action tomorrow! #FridayFeeling pic.twitter.com/sMh5RDwnxJ

— Liverpool FC (@LFC) November 18, 2016

“There are times that we will be struggling as every team does and we will have to be able to cope with that, still collect as many points as we can and see where it will take us by May.

“Of course we know where we are at this moment but it is something we don’t really talk too much about. It is great to be there but there are still a lot of games to be played and we want to end up there.

“Watford was a very good result and performance. I’ve been involved in other good games that we probably didn’t win 6-1 but 2-1 or 3-1. I remember a few games last year as well where we had a very good performance.

“The momentum is very good, the performances have been very good so we still have a lot to improve. That’s positive because if we can be top of the league and still have a lot to improve, then that’s a good sign of what we are trying to do everyday in training.”

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Nev changes opinion on ‘PlayStation’ David Luiz

David Luiz Chelsea

Gary Neville has been impressed __with David Luiz’s maturity this season after once describing the Chelsea defender as like a player being controlled by a 10-year-old on a Playstation.

Following a little bit of a shaky start under Antonio Conte, the Blues have found their rhythm in his new 3-4-3 system and Luiz seems to have particularly thrived as part of a back three.

Chelsea now find themselves second in the Premier League table and only trail leaders Liverpool by a single point going into the weekend’s fixtures.

And Neville has had to rethink his stance on Luiz after the Brazilian has turned in a number of solid performances at the back for Conte’s side.

“The three at the back suits David Luiz perfectly,” Neville told the Metro. “He doesn’t suit playing in a back four. But I think playing in a three, particularly __with N’Golo Kante and Nemanja Matic playing in front of him, and he seems to be making good decisions.

Gary Neville says "it's embarrassing" that Wayne Rooney had to apologise over his drunken behaviour https://t.co/R7SVobr4gC

— Football365 (@F365) November 18, 2016

“He seems to be selecting when to play out from the back and when to get rid of it. He seems to be more mature.

“I think also Conte is a very good, well drilled defensive coach. So ultimately at the moment I think it looks very good. I think having Kante and Matic in front of him and having the two players either side is giving him a good platform to show his best.”

Neville thinks Luiz’s form could be a good thing for club captain John Terry as he can now concentrate on playing a supporting role.

“At John Terry’s age he can relax about not being in the team. He’s climbed the mountain of football really with what he’s done. He can now provide good support to that team,” Neville added.

Conte & Hazard take monthly Premier League gongs

Antonio Conte Chelsea

Chelsea boss Antonio Conte has been awarded the Premier League Manager of the Month gong for October, while his winger Eden Hazard picked up the Player of the Month accolade.

Liverpool’s Jurgen Klopp, Stoke’s Mark Hughes, and Arsenal’s Arsene Wenger made up the rest of the nominees but it was the Italian that pipped them to the award.

The Blues got off to a shaky start under their new boss but a change to a 3-4-3 formation has seen a remarkable turnaround in performances.

In October, Conte guided Chelsea to four wins out of four against Hull City, Leicester City, Manchester United and Southampton.

Conte’s side didn’t concede a single goal in any of the matches, while they hit the back of the net an impressive 11 times.

Congratulations to Antonio Conte who has been named October’s Barclays Manager of the Month! 👏 pic.twitter.com/NqiSVFew1Y

— Chelsea FC (@ChelseaFC) November 18, 2016

The Blues are now sitting pretty in second place in the Premier League standings and are only a point off current leaders Liverpool heading into this weekend’s fixtures.

As it’s the Premier League award, Chelsea’s loss to West Ham in the EFL Cup wasn’t considered when choosing the winner.

Meanwhile, Belgium international Eden Hazard won the Player of the Month accolade after scoring in Chelsea victories over the Foxes, United and the Saints.

“It means a lot,” Hazard, who beat off competition from the likes of Tom Heaton, Joe Allen, Ilkay Gundogan and Philippe Coutinho, told chelseafc.com. “We played a very good month. I scored a lot of goals and all the team played well. We scored a lot of goals and we didn’t concede a goal.

“I’m the best player this month but the most important thing is at the end to win the league and to do that we have a lot of things to do from now until then.”

'It means a lot.' – @hazardeden10 https://t.co/Ejlfk6IzTx pic.twitter.com/OUW0QRJjTt

— Chelsea FC (@ChelseaFC) November 18, 2016

Gossip: Ramsey to Real, Sturridge a ‘shock target’

RAMSEY TREAT
The Sun have worked out an excellent way to get ‘Arsenal transfer news’ and ‘Gareth Bale’ into the same headline and URL. Good on them. We’re happy for you, guys.

‘Arsenal transfer news: Aaron Ramsey wanted by Real Madrid for Gareth Bale reunion in shock £25million move,’ reads the headline, __with the story a Phil Cadden exclusive.

It’s precisely what it sounds like. Real Madrid want Aaron Ramsey. Real Madrid will bid £25million for Aaron Ramsey. Aaron Ramsey will be ‘reunited’ __with Gareth Bale.

‘But FIFA imposed a transfer ban on Real Madrid which will last until January 2018,’ you say? Well, Cadden has the answer. The Spanish side are appealing that very ban with the Court of Arbitration for Sport, and are confident of winning. So confident that they have drawn up a list of targets.

Atop that list of targets is Ramsey. Why? Because Zinedine Zidane and his cronies view the Welshman as ‘an extremely versatile player who can play centrally or all across the field behind a lone striker’. So there.

STURRIDGE SHOCK
Ramsey will cost £25m, but Daniel Sturridge is surely delighted to learn that he is valued at £500k more. Again, we go to The Sun for an update on the Liverpool striker’s future. Because The Sun are obviously the place to go for Liverpool news. Obviously.

Sturridge ‘has emerged as a shock target’ for AC Milan, reads the report. He is struggling with not being first-choice striker at Anfield, and is ready to up and leave.

How do The Sun have all this information? ‘Italian media outlet Calciomercatoweb claims…’

Off we go to Italian media outlet Calciomercatoweb then. There we find a story dated November 16 – just the two days old – that does indeed say AC Milan want the forward. They even have the news exclusively, and add that Jurgen Klopp is happy for the deal to go through ‘as early as the next session of negotiations’.

BLUES WANT KONDOGBIA
To Stamford Bridge now, as Chelsea want a midfielder. But why sign just a midfielder when you can sign a midfielder who can play centre-half and left-back, too?

‘Chelsea ponder Geoffrey Kondogbia transfer swoop with versatile France star frustrated at lack of Inter Milan action,’ is the punchy headline from the Daily Mirror. Kondogbia is ‘unhappy’ at ‘not playing regularly’ for the Serie A side, and wants out.

The 23-year-old has played just five league games for Italy’s ninth-placed side, so Chelsea could swoop in to rescue him. No fee is mentioned, unfortunately.

As for the claim that the Frenchman ‘can play at centre-half and left-back’, we’re entirely unsure. Our European knowledge is hardly watertight, but this website suggests it is central midfield or nothing for Geoff.

AND THE REST
Former Chelsea and England midfielder Frank Lampard has ruled out becoming the next manager of MK Dons after the League One side made contact with the player’s representatives…Inter Milan will make a £50m move for Paris St-Germain’s Argentina winger Angel di Maria, 28, if a bid for Real Madrid’s 25-year-old Colombia international James Rodriguez fails…Everton manager Ronald Koeman is interested in signing out-of-favour Manchester United winger Memphis Depay, 22, having tried to recruit the Netherlands international when in charge of Southampton…Alex Grimaldo could be on his way out of Benfica in January, with Pep Guardiola interested in bringing the former Spain under-21 international left-back to Manchester City…Chelsea are considering whether to accept January loan offers for midfielder Ruben Loftus-Cheek, with the 20-year-old having only played three times under manager Antonio Conte this season…West Ham are in contact with Chelsea about a move for Loftus-Cheek…Napoli are reportedly eyeing a shock move for Chelsea star Kurt Zouma.

Schweini: My ‘goal’ is to play under Mourinho at United

Schweinsteiger Mourinho Manchester United

Bastian Schweinsteiger says he is still committed to trying his upmost to force his way into Jose Mourinho’s Manchester United team.

The Germany legend was frozen out by Mourinho earlier in the season and forced to train __with the Under-23 side, although he is now back in first-team training.

Schweinsteiger struggled __with injury for large chunks of last campaign under former manager Louis van Gaal but still managed to make 31 appearances in all competitions.

And the 32-year-old is still hoping that he can make a positive impression on Mourinho by impressing in training.

“My goal is to play for Manchester United. I give everything for that in every training session and I hope for my chance,” said Schweinsteiger.

“It’s going well. I train with the first team and I enjoy it a lot. When the team needs me, I am there to help.”

Football People on TV: Geoff Shreeves

Geoff Shreeves Football365

This week, Johnny tries to catch a glimpse of Geoff Shreeves’ outstretched arm and wonders if he’s got a microphone on him at all times.

Fashion police
Dress sense has always put me in mind of an off-duty copper who thinks he’s blending in __with normal society, but who may as well have a blue flashing light strapped to his head. Has one of those wide, square heads that looks like it’s been chiselled out of stone and cheese. Hair merely exists, unchanging and reliably offering no concession to style. Clothes likewise. Nothing of the flibberty nor of the gibbet about him. In general, seems to have barely changed at all in 17 years in contrast to so many of the people he’s interviewed. Perhaps the interview areas of football ground have some pyramid-like, life-extending properties.

Lingo Bingo
One of those home counties voices which has absolutely no accent at all. It must be weird not having an accent. You must wonder why so many people have got them and why you haven’t. If you think about it, doing what he does is a really hard job, especially at half and full time. You’ve got to be aware of the contentious issues, and you have to deliver questions in a sharp, concise manner. It’s no place for a waffler or an um-and-ah-er. Geoff never holds back. He’s always ready to go as soon as the scowling manager or sweat-glistening player shuffles into shot. If at times he can seem overly sharp, it must be because he’s got a director yelling in his ear that he’s got 20 seconds before they cut back to the studio and some ex-player in tight trousers who will quite probably be talking nonsense. I often wonder if he resents how little time he has compared to those in the studio.

Inevitably starts a lot of sentences __with “How does it feel…?”, “What went wrong?”, “Was that…?”

Hits and misses
Having joined Sky in 1992 he’s an absolute journeyman in the football media world, employed since 1999 to stand in the drafty corridors, backstage at football grounds, in front of hastily erected shell stands covered in logos. Longevity in any job should be praised and celebrated. It suggests a man who is a steady Eddie, reliable and not prone to any boat rocking. A solid 7/10 week in, week out.

But it’s a very strange, almost unique life that he leads, meeting all the great and good of football on a regular basis, but only for a minute or two at most, often when they’re very, very fed up or over-excited. His extended right arm clutching a microphone is probably more famous than he is.

You see him sometimes, lurking on the edge of the tunnel of behind dugouts during a game, as though eavesdropping on what the managers or substitutes are saying for future use. Ever present but not really involved, just waiting for his 100-second moment of work.

He does get the chance to do sit-down interviews with people for Soccer Saturday etc, and that must seem like a luxury. But mostly, he’s just there to ask a quick question about a goal or a booking and also to break bad news to players such as in the classic Branislav Ivanovic moment.

It’s a limited repertoire that he’s required to perform game after game, and odder still when, to be fair, most viewers are not even that interested in hearing what is being said anyway. It is mostly all banal, bland, media-trained stuff, or in the case of some players, witless grunting interspersed with cliches. In some instances he’s even been superceded with direct questions being asked from the studio, which must be a bit galling.

Of course, as his is often the first microphone pushed under the nose of an aggrieved manager or player, he has, on occasions felt the sharp end of someone’s tongue. In this case Pards is bristling for a fight, despite Geoff’s emollient tones

It must be so tempting to say “oh do shut up, you big girl’s blouse”. The fact that he’s always so cool and collected, even when standing in front of a fire-breathing Chunky, a scowling Jose Mourinho or a grinning Claudio Ranieri is a testament to his years of experience and speaks of a man who is calm under pressure. That being said, telling a manager to shut his sulky face up and stop being so rude would make us all actually take notice of what’s being said, which can’t always be said.

Apparently produced the Footballers’ Football Show, which was one of my favourite programmes for the short run it had.

Big club bias
Is apparently friends with Sir Alex Ferguson and over the years there has been the suggestion that he sucks up to the big names, somewhat. But that’s very hard to prove. I would be more inclined to suggest there’s no BCB but rather EMB. English Manager Bias, even if Pardew doesn’t see it. I think it’s far less likely that Geoff will be tough on, say, Sean Dyche or Tony Pulis than on a new manager from overseas, if only because he’s likely to have to poke his mic under his nose for the next 25 years.

Loved or loathed?
Social media research revealed a remarkable disparity of feelings towards a man who, when all said and done, is hardly on our screens for more than a few minutes during a live game. It constantly surprises me just how deeply some seem to take against a man who, with all due respect, is hardly in front of us for long enough to stir the emotions much. Maybe this is a consequence of his longevity in the business.

“I once saw him walking around the market in St.Albans. He was wearing a fetching gilet.”

“Creeps me out – maybe the connection to Keys and Gray.”

“His best work was making Alex Ferguson say “bollocks” on live TV.”

“Rude and abrupt to players/managers he knows he can be and fawns over others like Mourinho/Ferguson. Wants to be in PFM club.”

“Still think of when he asked Tevez (who could barely speak English) whether the Terry/Bridge thing had ‘galvanised’ City.”

“Can’t stand him. Tries too hard to be cutting edge but fails because he wants to be their mates.”

“Shreevsy is big mates with Keysie. A proper, proper football man who learned from the best.”

“Good interviewer. Shows a genuine flair for asking probing and open ended questions.”

“Sometimes gives the impression he’s an integral part of the footballing circus, rather than a conduit for the viewer.”

“Appears to be a Fast Show character, right down to his name.”

“Should have been booted with Keys & Gray. The last dinosaur springs to mind. Fundamentally not good at his job.”

“A snide sh*thouse who will only be welcome on my screen the day somebody finally snaps & violates him with his own microphone.”

“Ultimately I think he’s a good guy who is more knowledgeable about the game than those regularly in front of the camera.”

Proper Football Man
Because he’s been there virtually from the start of Sky and their reinvention of broadcast football, he’s done well to ride out the ebb and flow of shifting social mores and avoid any on-air gaffes which can curse a man of a certain generation. Anyone who has had to admonish Sir Alex Ferguson for saying “bollocks” live on air can claim some degree of fame.

But it certainly wouldn’t be a surprise if he turned up on a sofa with Keysie and Andy in the middle-east. He does seem very tied to that era, though one suspects that as the man who merely held a microphone, they regarded him as lesser than their own self-appointed titanic status as The Men Who Invented The Game and in that regard, very much the man who has to go to the bar and buy the bags of peanuts from the display card of a semi-naked woman, and who returns to find someone has put their willy in his pint.

Even though no mere pointer of a microphone can hope to become a PFM, the PFMs do enjoy the company of alpha male TV people, as long as they’re prepared to bend the knee to them, never question the veracity of their views on football, indulge their deferred self-loathing, generally think they’re brilliant, are prepared to be the butt of their practical jokes and don’t mind being humiliated in public in the name of banter. Having to have a microphone surgically extracted from an orifice is all good harmless fun, Jeff. Or, indeed, Geoff.

And Shreevsy is a great PFM nickname, even lending itself to Shreevo, if variation is needed. All good PFM stuff. And Geoff has that square, stable-on-his-feet physique built for staying upright whilst doing shots of Reidy’s Kerosene, sodium peroxide and goose fat body cleanser.

And he loves a charity golf day. Mmm, that’s top PFMing. No concession to the metrosexual and looks nothing like Olivier Giroud. Mmm, that’s very, very good. Bit of After Dinner gravy? No problem. Mmm, delicious

No whiff of the lothario about him, which is fine because the boys don’t want too much competition when it comes to the slavering up to ladies. So while the attentions of Miss Lorne Sausage body of 1981 may hold little interest, he may be good at interviewing women for the PFMs to assess which is the most emotionally vulnerable and likely to be impressed by an expensive watch and liable to want to share a Jacuzzi with them, even though it’s not been cleaned for a year.

Easy to imagine him being forced to do mock interviews with the boys at 4.27am, with a weary look in his eye, wishing he could just go home and to bed, just as they all burst into laughter at a joke that in any other walk of society would be socially unacceptable.

Beyond the lighted stage
Recently presented awards at a Manchester United charity dinner (which does sound very like a PFM lifestyle choice). Has been a fundraiser for Nordoff Robbins and does voiceovers for what I believe the youngsters call video games. That aside, he’s done well to keep the rest of his life out of public view. It is easy to imagine him being unable to talk to anyone without a microphone in his hand, nor that he must have a pet name for it. Mike, perhaps, or possibly Phoney.

John Nicholson

Man United v Arsenal: An all-time dregs XI

Wes Brown Eric Djemba-Djemba Football365

The premise is simple enough, even for you: To be eligible for this XI a player must have featured in a Premier League match between these two sides since 2000.

GOALKEEPER: Mark Bosnich
In terms of competition, this position was perhaps the most hotly-contested. Both sides offered up plenty of options, __with Arsenal offering up Stuart Taylor, and Manchester United’s corner being fought by Tomasz Kusz Kuz Kuszcs… that Polish bloke. Rami Shaaban was considered for inclusion, but he has suffered enough in the wake of being named in the north London derby dregs XI.

So who does the No 1 shirt go to? Why, it goes to the man Sir Alex Ferguson described as a “terrible professional”. Mark Bosnich spent just one full season in the Manchester United first team and, to be fair, claimed a Premier League winner’s medal for his efforts in 2000. But the fact that he shared the role of starting goalkeeper with Raimond van der Gouw and Massimo Taibi is damning.

RIGHT-BACK: Guillermo Varela
A defence of Guillermo Varela, Marcos Rojo, Michael Carrick and Daley Blind. A forward line of Jesse Lingard, Marcus Rashford and Memphis Depay. A bench of Sergio Romero, Paddy McNair, Timothy Fosu-Mensah, Andreas Pereira, Adnan Januzaj, Joe Riley and James Weir. All that, and Louis van Gaal managed to secure a 3-2 victory over Arsenal in February of this year, even sparing the time to out-celebrity Mike Dean by tumbling over on the touchline.

It was only Varela’s second Premier League start, his first coming in a 2-1 defeat to Bournemouth the previous December. He will always be remembered as David Moyes’ first signing.

CENTRE-BACK: Igor Stepanovs
There haven’t been too many comprehensive victories in fixtures between these two sides. There is obviously United’s 8-2 victory in August 2011, which was bloody hilarious. There was the 3-0 win which did a rampant Arsenal side a disservice in October of last year. But one utter tonking is often forgotten.

It was in February 2001 when United beat the Gunners 6-1 at Old Trafford. Dwight Yorke scored a hat-trick, the hosts scored five times within 38 minutes, and the eventual champions handed a veritable tarting to the eventual runners-up. __with a defence comprised of Oleg Luzhny, Igor Stepanovs, Gilles Grimandi and a young Ashley Cole, it is little wonder Arsene Wenger’s men were beaten so thoroughly.

CENTRE-BACK: Tyler Blackett
Arsenal have beaten United just once in their last ten Premier League meetings. Poor Arsene Wenger. In that timeframe, Sir Alex Ferguson has beaten him thrice and drawn with him once, David Moyes earned a win and a draw, and Louis van Gaal inflicted upon the Frenchman two rather ignominous defeats. The most recent has been documented, with a debuting Marcus Rashford embarrassing the supposed title contenders. But Van Gaal boasts a win at the Emirates Stadium, too. A Kieran Gibbs own goal and a strike from Wayne Rooney inspired a United side containing Tyler Blackett and Paddy McNair as starters in defence to all three points in November 2014.

LEFT-BACK: Armand Traore
I could put Andre Santos here, but Andre Santos is a hero. I mean, he followed up a dire first-half performance in a meeting between these two sides in November 2012 by swapping shirts with a players his fans absolutely despised. At half-time. At half-time! Genius.

No, we need someone else for this role. Armand Traore, perhaps? He made 13 Premier League appearances for Arsenal, the last of which came in that 8-2 drubbing in August 2011. He started, he played the full 90 minutes, he was criticised post-match for laughing and sharing jokes with United players. Andre Santos, eat your heart out. He was sold to QPR two days later.

“I know people think all those Arsenal players were rubbish that day but, personally, I wasn’t there in my head,” the Frenchman said in December of that year. “I was all set to join QPR on the Thursday and then Arsenal said I had to play this game first. The fact is I wasn’t fit.” Sure.

RIGHT-WINGER: Luke Chadwick
Sir Alex Ferguson clearly did not feel he had got his message across. The Scot was not content with thrashing Arsenal 6-1 in 2001 that he had to take more drastic measures. He had to compound the punishment, accentuate the embarrassment. So he looked to his bench, pointed at Luke Chadwick and told him to get himself ready. The winger was afforded 15 minutes of that victory, one of his 16 appearances in the title-winning 2000/01 season. He has more Premier League winner’s medals than you or I. Or Steven Gerrard.

CENTRAL MIDFIELDER: Eric Djemba-Djemba
The thing with Eric Djemba-Djemba is that the omnipotent ‘they’ never named him twice due to his quality. The midfielder was born into a family with the surname Djemba-Djemba, you idiots. They named him once and once only. Grow up.

Djemba-Djemba made his debut in English football against Arsenal, committing a foul on Sol Campbell which was so bad it was described as “obscene” by Arsene Wenger, who actually did see it. But that was in the Community Shield. Instead, we must travel to March 2004, where he helped carry fellow central midfielders Paul Scholes and Roy Keane to a 1-1 draw. Louis Saha scored a late equaliser. So yeah.

CENTRAL MIDFIELDER: Nico Yennaris
Sorry to fire shots in the direction of Brentford Football Club, where Nico Yennaris has found a safe haven as a steady defensive midfielder in the Championship, but he qualifies for this list on merit. The 23-year-old made just one Premier League appearance in his 13 years at Arsenal, coming on as a substitute at half-time of United’s 2-1 win in January 2012.

LEFT-WINGER: Stefan Malz
A man who now exists solely in the realm of features on Arsene Wenger’s five worst signings or an XI of terrible Wenger buys, Stefan Malz spent just two years at Arsenal after being purchased from 1860 Munich in 1999. Of the German’s six Premier League appearances, one came in a 1-1 draw with Manchester United in January 2000. Arsenal were leading 1-0 when they brought Malz on in the 70th minute; Teddy Sheringham equalised three minutes later. Somehow, it seems right.

STRIKER: Julio Baptista
Julio Baptista scored three goals in 24 Premier League games for Arsenal. He scored four goals in a single League Cup game against Liverpool in 2007. He also scored two goals against Tottenham in that same year in that same competition. But in terms of his league form, he did not look like a signing from Real Madrid. He does boast an unbeaten record in games against United however, facing them twice in the 2006/07 season and emerging on the winning side in both instances. He played 22 minutes in Arsenal’s 1-0 win in September 2006 – their last at Old Trafford – and 12 minutes in a 2-1 win in the return fixture the following January.

STRIKER: Park Chu-young
Julio Baptista wore the No 9 shirt at Arsenal. He was just one victim to the curse which has befallen that shirt. The long list includes Davor Suker, Francis Jeffers, Jose Reyes, Eduardo, Lukas Podolski and, of course Park Chu Young. He was signed from Monaco in 2011, and made just one Premier League appearance before being released three years later. He was a second-half substitute in a 2-1 defeat to United in January 2012.

Matt Stead

Sunday, November 13, 2016

Sunderland to battle Swansea for out-of-favour Leicester striker Leonardo Ulloa in January

Sunderland will rival Swansea’s bid to sign £9million-rated Leicester striker Leonardo Ulloa in January.

The Swans fancied the Argentine in the summer, but Foxes boss Claudio Ranieri wasn’t keen to let him go until new signing Islam Slimani had settled in.

But the 30-year -old, who joined in an £8m deal from Brighton in 2014 and has scored 19 goals in 85 appearances, is now behind Slimani, Jamie Vardy, Ahmed Musa and Shinji Okazaki in the pecking order.

Ulloa hasn't started a single Premier League game this term, with all seven of his appearances coming from the bench.

Leo Ulloa
Leonardo Ulloa during training

Sunderland boss David Moyes is eager to strengthen his attack in January as they look to boos their survival push.

Jermain Defoe has carried the attacking burden for the start of the campaign although Victor Anichebe is finally fully fit.

The former Everton striker scored in the __win over Bournemouth, and won the penalty that Defoe scored from.

Saturday, November 12, 2016

Sunderland might be better off getting relegated - like Newcastle, says former boss Dick Advocaat

Former Sunderland boss Dick Advocaat claims it may be best for the club if they are relegated from the Premier League this season.

With the Black Cats anchored at the bottom of the table and looking at financial meltdown if they go down, Sunderland fans and the club’s owner Ellis Short might not agree with Advocaat’s brutal solution to continuing problems at the Stadium of Light.

But the 69-year-old Dutch coach reckons if they could follow the template laid down by Newcastle – who are currently top of the Championship and favourites to __win promotion back to the top flight at the first attempt under Rafa Benitez – it may help to reverse the decline which is killing the Wearsiders.

Sunderland
Sunderland are rock bottom in the Premier League despite claiming their first victory of the season last weekend
Moyes gestures to his players

“Maybe it’s better to go down, to build a new team like Newcastle who have a great club, a great fan base and a great stadium just like Sunderland,” said Advocaat.

“Sunderland simply cannot go on this way because other clubs invest in the team, they spend money on good players and, if you don’t do it, you are in trouble because there’s too much quality elsewhere in the Premier League to expect to survive every year.”

Sunderland picked up their first __win of the season at Bournemouth last weekend and boss David Moyes faces a crucial ‘six-pointer’ at home to Hull City after the ­international break.

Newcastle United
Arch rivals Newcastle are top of the Championship after being relegated last season

It is a familiar picture for ­Advocaat, now manager at ­Fenerbahce in Turkey, who still has a soft spot in his heart for ­Sunderland after a brief spell at the club two seasons ago. The ­experienced boss helped to keep Sunderland safe from the drop after joining them in March 2015.

And, although he came back the following season, he left after eight games, frustrated at a lack of investment from London-based American businessman Short.

Advocaat (below), who has managed clubs including PSV Eindhoven, Zenit St Petersburg and Rangers, as well as Holland, Belgium, Russia, South Korea and Serbia on the international stage, keeps close tabs on Sunderland.

Jose Mourinho greets Dick Advocat
Advocaat, who is currently in charge at Fenerbahce, still keeps tabs on Sunderland

And, more than a year later, he admits he is not surprised Sunderland are still in trouble and languishing in the Premier League drop zone.

The Dutchman (left) believes the Black Cats’ progress is still being hampered by the same issues he fought in his time in charge. And he claims Short’s refusal to match the spending of other clubs forced him to head for the exit, feeling that managing Sunderland is the impossible job.

“You can only define ­Sunderland’s problems if they spend the same as other clubs and they don’t do that,” said Advocaat.

David Moyes reacts
The Black Cats have a crunch North East six-pointer with Hull next weekend

“I said that well over a year ago and this is the reason I left after eight games when I decided to come back at the start of last season.

“I had no chance, I had that feeling. OK, Sam Allardyce came in after me and he did a great job.

“But it went down to the wire, to the last two games of the season.

“You can’t do that every season, it’s just not possible – because, sooner or later, your luck is going to run out.”

Football people on TV: Chris Kamara

Chris Kamara

This week, Johnny watches Kammy on the telly and thinks he really is unbelievable, Jeff.

Fashion police
Appearance is defined by the unchanging hair and signature felt-tip line ‘tache which, whether you like it or not, must be really sodding hard work to trim, shape and maintain.

Clothes are pleasingly modest and masculine. Likes a stern overcoat and well-cut suit. A trim, well-turned out lad who looks considerably younger than his 58 years. Looks oddly naked when seen without large pair of headphones hugging his bonce.

Also, and perhaps weirdly, he looks great as a woman. Now that really is unbelievable, Jeff.

Lingo Bingo
Famously a native son of Middlesbrough. Though he’s lived away from the region for many years, there is still a trace of the elongated vowel sounds that define the Teesside voice. Easily rises to a slightly hysterical squeak at little provocation, and has one of those infectious laughs which make you want to join in the fun. No Saturday is complete without at least one Kammy breakdown, caused by a malapropism or some other silly mistake. Brilliant.

One of those people who talks a strangely garbled version of English which is eminently understandably but which, on paper, makes no sense, as these 10 examples from Sabotage Times prove. It’s all poetry.

“The atmosphere here is thick and fast.”

“Karl Henry’s been sent off for a deliberate red card.”

“He had it on a plate, he had the sausage, bacon and eggs on it as well, but he couldn’t take it.”

“Alex McLeish has just had his hands in his head.”

“Tense and nervous are not the words, though they are the words.”

“For Burnley to win they are going to have to score.”

“They’ve one man to thank for that goal, Alan Shearer. And they’ve also got to thank referee Alan Wilkie.”

“He’s had three offside decisions, two right, two wrong.”

“Manchester City are defending like beavers.”

“Is it still called Calcutta? I thought it was Bombay these days.”

Hits and misses
It’s all hit after hit for Kammy.

He’s a very long-serving denizen of Sky now __with 17 notches on his microphone. So many have come and gone, and he’s still there. He’s become such a part of our football furniture, delivering live reports from the crowd, as the action plays out off-camera behind him, that we forget he practically invented this as A Thing. While live audio reports from the grounds were common, cutting to a live reporter wasn’t done until Soccer Saturday came along. Now, it all seems commonplace, but it was Kammy who led the way. He’s quite genuinely an innovator.

Other hits include stumbling over words and accidentally inventing odd phrases and occasionally missing a sending-off entirely. His slightly wild, confused look, breaking down into laughter as he turns away and back to the camera, away and back, away and back, is a weekly highlight of our lives.

Is one of the few media people who has managed to establish a single word, ‘unbelievable’, as a kind of personal trademark.

Has also been doing Goals on Sunday for 16 years now where he gets to show off his analytical skills and football understanding, both of which are top notch. Because of his easy-going nature this gets overlooked in the pundit reviews, but he’s as good as anyone at dissecting play in this environment.

Kammy has probably established a unique football role for himself, which is to straddle entertainment and expertise. It might have just evolved out of his nature, but fair play to him for turning it into a career. He stands alone in this regard.

Recently started doing some very odd adverts alongside Coisty which have rather divided opinion, but which speak to his fun nature. And this one for Ladbrokes is a mind blow. He’s actually very good in it. Nice big arse in them shorts, Jeff. I tell you what, Merse, I bloody would, you know.

And who can blame him for filling his boots __with sweet, sweet advertising moolah at this point in his career?

Big club bias
None at all. Coming from Middlesbrough, which is the least pretentious, least elitist, least regarding of anyone who thinks they’re “it” place in the country, as well as being grounded in a solid journeyman career, years of analysing lower-league games and a general passion for football wherever it is played between whoever, means BCB isn’t in his DNA.

Loved or loathed?
A genuinely lovely and just really, really decent man, Chris is easily one of the most loved of our football telly people, possibly the most loved, in fact.

Loved because he makes us smile, because he’s having a good time, because he has a passion for his job, because he cocks things up, because he is thoroughly unpretentious. We all need more joy in our lives these days and Kammy delivers it to us without fail every weekend. When he gets things wrong it only endears him to us more, as this selection of highlights well proves…

And as if that wasn’t enough proof of his brilliance, in Rio for the World Cup he chased down and caught a robber. And what did Kammy Tweet? ‘Not lost me pace!!! I just caught this street robber. Done in now though.’

Crime-fighting delivered via self-deprecating football vocabulary. Brilliant. If that doesn’t glaze your eye with a tear of humanity, nothing will. The man is a 100% stone-cold solid star. His combination of instinct to do the right thing mixed with bravery and humour is a shining example to all of us.

Later he Tweeted to say. ‘Giving my statement now: “well I ran after him & caught him”, before tweeting ‘Have to go to the station to write it down!!!! I am on me holidays’.

It’s a kind of love poetry. What a man. What we Teessiders might call Proper Boro.

I hope he knows just how well-regarded he is. My social media research pulled back a thin veil of a megatonne of Kammy love. This is just a small selection of the comments I received.

‘The most infectious of laughter, talks bollocks but I do not care at all. Love him’

‘Nice to see someone in a job who knows how lucky they are to be doing their job and enjoys doing it.’

‘Great bloke, good analyst beyond the character acting comedy of Soccer Saturday.’

‘He knows that he’s a clown, so he doesn’t wear that sense of entitlement like many others. Doesn’t take life too seriously.’

‘Genuinely think he’s great and earning as much while he an as he knows it’s all fleeting.’

‘On my holidays, he once held the lift door open for me in a Cypriot hotel lobby, therefore he is a gent of the highest order.’

‘He’s a legend. Simple. Honest, fun and hugely likeable.’

‘Wonderful charitable man, yes he’s a comedian on the tv, never fails to bring others into convo, forcing opinions.’

‘Bumped into him whilst on the piss in ‘Boro after an England match. Had him in a drunken headlock. He embraced it. Total gent!’

Proper Football Man
Well yeah, but also sort of, no. He’s one of a rare breed is Kammy. Everybody loves him, from the bearded tactics hipster, to the manspreading, Blue Stratos drinking, tightly-cardiganed alpha male PFM. He works on Sky, the PFM’s favourite channel. An ex-navy man, who served Queen and country, he became a no-nonsense defender from the north who toured the lower leagues inflicting pain via his feet, eventually rising to play in the top flight. That’s a CV guaranteed to get any PFM purring.

Better yet, in 1985, Kammy became the first footballer to be arrested and convicted for GBH after breaking a Shrewsbury Town player’s cheekbone with a single punch, at the end of the game. Mmm, nice. It’s a man’s game, Mark. No need for the police to be involved. It’s all just banter, officer. I hardly touched him. It’s a soft one, if you ask me. He’s gone down very easy, there. The continentals have brought that into our game, Clive. You wouldn’t catch the nancy boy modern players doing that these days. They’d probably get their butler to do it.

Kammy is always up for sofa-based banter. He’ll squeeze and shake your leg as soon as look at you and he can end a sentence with the word Jeff, as professionally as anyone, Jeff.

Seems almost incapable of not rubbing along well with everyone and that should not be underestimated as an art in itself. Being a grumpy sod is easy, being the good vibes man is far harder because there simply must be times when you just don’t feel up for it.

However, he does all of this without the vague whiff of chippy xenophobia that is the PFM’s stock in trade and which they would normally be suspicious of, fearing that they’ve got a book-reading, liberal PC bedwetter in their midst. This is how, without really trying, he manages to be everyone’s friend.

Would certainly be prepared to have an apres drinks, shopping trolley race around an abandoned retail park, or a drunken hip-hop dance-off, and at some point has almost certainly ruined some of his internal organs trying to keep up with Reidy on the fermented lites, nail polish and Mr Sheen cocktails. Seems too much of a happily married gentleman to be interested in the be-thonged favours of an inebriated Miss West Yorkshire Meat Paste and Boiled Offal Products 1982 on a night out in infamously louche Wakefield club the Clown’s Pocket.

Beyond the lighted stage
Is increasingly involved in programmes outside of football, featuring in nine shows already in 2016, including Have I Got News For You, and the not to be missed Celebrity Storage Hunters, in which people search for somewhere to store their celebrities.

Good mates with old school friend and Boro chairman Steve Gibson. Having been subjected to regular racist abuse during his upbringing in Middlesbrough, and later as a player, he has done a lot of work in combating racism, being inducted into the Show Racism the Red Card Hall of Fame in 2004.

Actually recorded the official England single for Euro 2012 called Sing 4 England! Does anybody even remember that?

In December 2011 he was awarded ‘The Above & Beyond in Memory of Sir Bill Cotton award’ for his contributions to Marie Curie Cancer Care. He and a team of Football League ambassadors, including Brendan Rodgers, Aidy Boothroyd and Gibson raised £385,000 for the charity, climbing to the peak of Mount Kilimanjaro. As well as being an Ambassador for Marie Curie Cancer Care, Chris became an Ambassador of the Special Olympics Great Britain Organisation in April 2011 after taking part in the Special Olympics Unity Cup as a celebrity partner before the Germany v Argentina quarter-final match in Cape Town, during the 2010 FIFA World Cup.

A genuinely lovely fella. And I don’t just say that because he once tweeted a picture of himself reading my novel, Teesside Steal, on a train.

John Nicholson