Chief Grumpypants is annoyed about Hodgson staying past Euro 2016 (despite not knowing if he will or not). Plus an inadvertent revelation from Brian Reade...
Latest Articles
Radamel Falcao threatens to walk out of the club that does not want him, Henry from Eastbourne starts something big and somebody at the Mirror can count...
Steven Gerrard's accomplishments are greater than those of Giggs and Scholes, apparently, while Brendan Rodgers Kopped some bad luck and tim gets the credit for Kane...
Howard's End
It's international week, so obviously The Sun's Chief Grumpypants Steven Howard is grumpy about England.
'Semis or bust,' is the headline on Howard's column. 'Show Roy the door if we're not in last four,' is the tagline.
Yes, get rid whatever the weather if Hodgson doesn't lead England to a stage they haven't reached in nine previous international tournaments under six different managers. A reminder that England have reached the semi-finals of the World Cup or European Championships twice in their history when not on home soil.
'Beat Lithuania at Wembley tomorrow and it will be 15 points from five Euro 2016 qualifiers for England,' Howard writes. 'And the FA will continue to congratulate themselves on their wisdom in retaining the services of Roy Hodgson.'
This is our favourite aspect of Chief Grumpypants, when he is sarcastic about good things to make them sound bad. "Oh, five wins out of five. Weeelll Dooone."
'A couple of months ago it was suggested that Hodgson fancied continuing as England boss through to the 2018 World Cup finals,' Howard continues. 'He would become the longest-serving England manager since Bobby Robson. I have never heard so much nonsense in my life. Hodgson's contract ends after the Euros and any decision on his future should be taken then.'
Before you continue getting angrier, Steven, we should probably refer you to Greg Dyke's recent quotes, in which he confirms that contract talks are not yet planned.
"We have not talked about contracts yet. We will have the discussion with Roy in the next nine months to a year," Dyke said. "When we decided in Brazil that we wanted Roy to continue with his contract, we thought 'he's got a contract, he sees it through'. Sometime in the next year we will discuss what happens afterwards."
Thursday's back page headlines include:
'Roy Must Wait' - Daily Express
'Englan Make Hodgson Wait Over Contract' - The Times
'Dyke: Not Done Deal That Roy Goes To 2018' - Daily Mirror
...and, finally, 'Eur On Trial' - in Howard's own The Sun
Still, best to get grumpy just in case, eh?
My Dad's Bigger Than Your Dad...
If you needed an indicator of the arrival of an international week wilderness, the Daily Mail have sounded the alarm at ear-bleeding volume. 'How Big Is Your Club?' screams the headline on their back page.
Mediawatch is actually almost impressed by their front, for there is no attempt to sell their 'Special Report' as anything other than a what-else-were-we-meant-to-talk-about admission. 'The Sportsmail study that will get everyone arguing,' is the tagline. 'Are you happy or angry at where your club has finished?' asks the inside page. 'Pretty please click here' it might as well say.
They've ranked the top 50 English clubs according to various measures. A few issues, of course:
- Ranking 'player quality' by the number of players to have played for England from that club only really works if England are seen as the best country to play for. Mediawatch would rather have members of the German or Argentinean squad than England's squad right now, and would have for most of the last forty years.
- Also on 'player quality', using the number of players provided to the 2014 World Cup squads is an odd way of judging how big a club is, given that some countries are obviously better than others. Do Roger Espinoza and Juan Carlos Garcia of Wigan playing for Honduras really equate to, say, Sergio Aguero and Yaya Toure for Manchester City?
- The study is intended to rank clubs across the course of history (since 1888). So how does ranking teams only by their most recent income reflect the entirety of the last 127 years?
- Trophies are ranked according to importance, which seems fair. But is the Champions League really only worth 25% more than a league title and twice as much as an FA Cup. Mediawatch wonders whether Arsenal would swap their 11 FA Cups for five Champions League titles and a single FA Cup win. We can guess the answer.
- That measurement also fails to make any recognition for teams that reach finals or semi-finals. So in Champions League terms, Atletico Madrid were as big as Daugava Daugavpils of Latvia last season. 'Here at Sportsmail, winning is everything, second is nothing,' is the reason given. The Guardian being named Sports Website of the Year must really smart.
- However, it's the 'crowd' element of bigness (their word, not ours) that will most annoy. A cynic might say that ranking Liverpool's crowd below Aston Villa, Chelsea, Manchester City and Tottenham, amongst others, is intended to causes spittle to be emitted from Scouse lips. Still, at least they were one place ahead of West Brom and six ahead Charlton.
If you think we're being pedantic: 1) Have you not read Mediawatch before, and 2) the Daily Mail claim this a 'forensic' study that 'finally settles' the great debate. Pffft.
Still, it filled three pages and got people angry. That counts for so very much.
...And he's Better Looking, Too
Don't think that the 'forensic study' is conflicted to the newspaper, mind. The former Sports Website of the Year also goes bigger than big.
Top story on MailOnline's football page at 11am on Thursday: 'Are Manchester United, Liverpool, Arsenal or Chelsea the biggest club in England? Our study FINALLY settles football's great debate'
Second story on MailOnline's football page at 11am on Thursday: 'HOW BIG IS YOUR CLUB... LEAGUE FINISHES: Chelsea lead way this year but where do they rank for all-time?'
Third story on MailOnline's football page at 11am on Thursday: 'HOW BIG IS YOUR CLUB... CROWDS AND STAR PLAYERS: United lead the way (and there's a surprise in second)'
Fourth story on MailOnline's football page at 11am on Thursday: 'HOW BIG IS YOUR CLUB... TROPHIES: Liverpool's trophy cabinet is the envy of the country as they lead our list'
One spreadsheet + Wikipedia + lots of counting + lots more rage = international (week) crisis averted.
A Tired Old Joe-ke
It's that time of year again, when Joe Cole's manager is asked why he hasn't been playing many matches. The response is always the same. 'Great to have around', 'Still in my plans' and 'Important player to have on board'. You get the picture.
This season it's Tim Sherwood's turn.
"It's just nurturing him through. He's getting no younger and it happened to all of us, but I still think he's got a part to play," said Sherwood. "He's not broken by any means. You just have to make sure you nurture them to get the right balance between training and playing."
We'd say Joe Cole isn't getting that balance right. He's played 225 Premier League minutes since joining the club. The most he's played in any league game was 72 minutes in the 1-0 defeat to Leicester.
"He can score and he can assist. I don't like players who are just out there, I like them to affect football matches."
No. of goals by Joe Cole for Aston Villa: 1
No. of goals by Joe Cole for Aston Villa: 0
"You'll hear me say this a lot but I like players on the pitch that actually affect the game and I think Joe when he's on the pitch affects it."
No. of minutes played by Joe Cole under Tim Sherwood: 0
It's more a case of if he's on the pitch than when, Tim.
Coppell Load Of This
In the Daily Mail, Neil Ashton has written a passionate defence of Steve Coppell, who he cannot believe is not in work.
'It seems incredible that this man, with more than 1,000 games in the dug-out and who has twice been named League Managers' Association manager of the year (2006 and 2007), is out of work,' writes Ashton. 'No-one really knows why.'
'It just doesn't feel right to see Coppell, a man of integrity and honour, on the fringes of football. Something, somewhere, has gone wrong when Coppell is working on his golf handicap every day.'
The answer probably lies in the quotes given by Coppell himself.
"There are 70 clubs you don't want to manage because you have no chance," he says. "The Championship is my division, I know what it's about. If you want a five-year plan, fannying around, building from the bottom up, I'm not your man. I have done that."
After resigning from Reading in 2009, Coppell's only job in management was at Bristol City in 2010. He resigned after just two competitive matches, stating: "I found I could not become passionate about the role. I am retiring from football management." His last position was as Director of Football at Portsmouth, which he left after three months.
So four-and-half years after retiring from management, Coppell has ruled out 75% of English clubs, said he is only interested in one division but not interested in "fannying around". We think that might be a clue to the current status quo.
Inadvertent Revelation Of The Day
'I was slightly delayed by a half-time conversation at Anfield and needed the loo before I took my seat. As I headed to the toilet I heard a roar and someone shout down the steps "Gerrard's coming on". On leaving the toilet I heard another roar, only to be told by a steward, "Gerrard's been sent off". So thanks to football I now know it takes me 38 seconds to empty a full bladder' - Brian Reade, Daily Mirror.
Brian Reade doesn't wash his hands. Pass it on.
Least Surprising Sol Campbell Quote Of The Day
In an interview with the Shooting Gazette: "I do like the [shooting] attire. I have all sorts of country clothing because we do live in Northumberland as well as London. The style is important to me, but the quality goes hand-in hand with it. I love the fabrics, the materials and the cuts. I love the whole sporting side of it.
"My first time, two years ago, I managed to shoot 11 birds having never picked up a gun before. This year I shot about 30 birds - much to the annoyance of my father-in-law. That was a mixture of birds. The banter was just lovely... that's always great" - Oh Sol. Sol, Sol, Sol.
Trying Too Hard Headline Of The Day
'Bogota Have Faith' - Daily Mirror on Juan Cuadrado.
Top marks for effort, but it only really works if Cuadrado was born in Colombia's capital, rather than 810km from there in Necocli. Or if Colombia were playing their latest friendly in Bogota, rather than 13,100km from there in Bahrain.
Worst Headline Of The Day
'Pals Say Bale Still A Clas Act' - The Sun. Poor Joe Allen, Neil Taylor and Sam Vokes. Three Premier League and international players reduced to 'pals'.
Non-Football Story Of The Day
'A 31-year-old woman has found love with a tree named Tim and says it's the best sex she's ever had. Emma McCabe says she's fallen head over heels with the sturdy poplar tree and she's happy after a string of disastrous relationships. She also says the sex with the tree is the best she has ever had with anyone.
'McCabe, who has a serious of unlucky relationships with men, says she's planning to marry the tree although her family won't talk about it.
'It's believed Emma's bizarre attraction to the tree may be a result of a condition called dendrophilia where a person is sexually attracted to a tree' - News.com.au
Thanks to Brian Sexton. If you spot anything that belongs on this page, mail us at , putting 'Mediawatch' in the subject field.